When a divorce is taking place, a party can often feel a need to hang on to their children. When a party is losing their spouse, it can be an easy turn of events for a party — especially one who does not want the divorce — to try to strengthen their relationship with their children.
Strengthening the relationship with the children is certainly a positive thing when done appropriately. Appropriately strengthening the relationship should revolve around love and affection for the children. It should involve the parent and the children spending quality time together. It should be based on reassurance that things are going to be okay and that the they are still loved.
Some parents can be tempted to spoil their children during the divorce instead. Versus spending quality time with their children and telling their children they love them unconditionally, many can begin buying their children items or taking them places where money is spent on them.
Certainly, buying some items for children and taking them places is not an altogether negative occurrence. To the extent that these items and things can help build love, affection and deep relationship, it can be a positive development.
But if there is no deep relationship, and if unconditional love is not expressed, simply spoiling children during a divorce can be harmful to you and them. It can send the children the wrong message. It can result in the children not feeling loved and accepted, but instead make them feel bought.
Ultimately, this can be counter-productive to your children for the short and long-term in terms of they psychological development. And if you are trying to have a deep relationship with your children, it can have a negative effect on you as well.
If you are going through a divorce with children, Stange Law Firm, PC can help. You can reach us at 1-855-805-0595.